Patrick Riddle coming at ya with some smart, actionable insight.
So, you’ve probably noticed that sometimes you just click with certain people.
Let’s say you’re at a networking event… there’s always that one person you strike up a conversation with and everything just flows. You both seem to enjoy each other’s company and the entire experience is effortless.
On the other hand, you’ve also experienced those people who are like a brick wall. You can’t get anything out of them. Personally, I find those people a joy to talk to now because I take it as a challenge. How do I have to communicate to break through to this person and establish a meaningful connection?
There is a science that explains why you click with some people and not with others.
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is the science of how communication, both verbal and nonverbal, affects the nervous system.
One of NLP’s tenants says: The meaning of communication is the response you get.
Soooo, if you’re not getting the response you want from, let’s say a seller, the fault is in your communication.
What an empowering thought!
By taking the blame for the situation, you retain control. Change the way that you’re communicating… and you’ll change the response that you’ll get.
And now, for the “Meat & Potatoes.”
People like people who are like themselves.
So, the question becomes: How do you become more like someone you want to connect with?
Matching and mirroring is one of the strategies from NLP used to establish that bond and build rapport.
There are many different ways to match and mirror…
For instance, you’re meeting with a potential client at Starbucks for coffee. He orders a tall coffee, sits down and crosses his legs, leans back in the chair, talks slowly and lightly sips on his coffee.
Here’s what NOT to do(!): tell him how much you hate coffee, sit on the edge of your seat and talk a mile a minute.
When I’m with someone or talking on the phone, I will pace my rate of speech to match their rate. If they’re a fast talker, I’m a fast talker. If they talk slow as molasses, I’m going to do the same.
You can also match their tonality and pitch. I listen out for key words and phrases they use often and toss them into conversation casually.
The most important thing to remember here is that all of this must be done under the radar. On the DL.
Why?
Imitation, as Shakespeare once said, is suicide.
Since I started studying and then implementing NLP, actively mirroring and matching… I have yet to have a negative experience. Truth.
And, speech is just one area…
Body movements, demeanor, facial expressions, energy level and mood are all things that can be mirrored and matched.
Here’s the main takeaway…
Pay attention to the details and remember that the whole point of all this is to come across as someone they know very well… some they’re comfortable with… someone who reminds them of themselves.
It’s a major accelerator to building rapport, establishing solid relationships and getting more deals.
And, the more you put it into practice on the regular, the better you’ll get. Add this strategy to your arsenal… and you’ll be so glad you did.
I strongly encourage you to give it a try!